This talk surveys the global bloat landscape and discusses effective strategies for keeping sites bloated in the face of rapid technical progress. It also examines the exciting prospects for bloat in the Internet of Things, the many synergies between bloat and online advertising, and the innovative role bloat has played as a political weapon in the 2016 US election. We end with a meditation on the metaphysics of bloat. Why do smart, well-meaning designers converge on outcomes everybody hates? Why does bloat always catch us by surprise? And is there any way to break the dynamic?